It's good that you're willing to forgive,most women would divorce. If you are separated, you aren't doing anything wrong. Dont tell me that you and ______ (the girl who was staying at our house for the weekend) are lesbians? :(. Again - your choice. I get the whole 'not wanting to hurt him' thing but, to some people at least, a kiss is very much cheating and so the SO deserves to know what happened right? I was drunk but that is no excuse. It's just a "good weekend?" JavaScript is disabled. "I really can't do this, I have no excuse, I'm married and he's lovely, it's not like I'm unhappy, he's a good person'" It takes to heal the wounded trust again. As far as crossed purposes,hmmmmmmmm not following you. I immediately felt totally ashamed after it happened and left the party. It happens, in other words. We have only been seeing each other for the past two months and I dont want his mind racing with bad thoughts. David bit Jordan. the guy has a long term girlfriend who he lives with and he said she was really angry with him for coming home so late, then he said, look, I think we're good people that completely lost our minds for 5 minutes, and are suffering major guilt for it now, but it will never ever happen again, and I'm not going to say a word to anyone' to which I replied 'neither am I' and he said 'ok, look I'll see you on Monday but this is going to be ok, don't worry, we can move on from this' However for the next time please be careful and never do such a blunder because he's a gem and you should not lose him just for your stupid or foolish acts .i mean any sophisticated or a ONE MAN WOMAN (a proud title for me :) and hopflly for u too ) wont like to stress her relatn or leave a man whom she loves or take him in a position where he might leave ? When you're in a long-term relationship, it's normal to have a little crush on someone other than your partner. I'll still cross over with him at times, but it will be minimal. If a man or woman were genuine in asking for forgiveness. Even so, you might find that you are still attracted to other people. Boyfriend kissed another girl while drunk? She may mean it now, but maybe next week she wont, but you cannot rely on it..Is it a pattern of distrust? When you go out and get drunk- if you find yourself attracted to another man- think back to how you feel now after you acted on that attraction. Something like that changes almost everything in a marriage. So if for some reason he'd got funny about it, I'd have just dealt with it. True mistakes get owned and rectified. Or run away? But we can get through it together if you are truley remoreseful. What is he supposed to do with this information? It is the gateway to another feeling. We may share information about your use of our site with trusted advertising and analytics partners. But I don't see the need to borrow trouble by telling your boyfriend if you have learned your lesson and know you will never do something like that again. We were chatting when we realised the other woman was snoring. reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): A ?We were doing well and I was afraid he would never forgive me. female Your guilt is your punishment. This recently happened to me. The straight guys get into it, theres no doubt they even end up biting the LGBT guys. Therefore, you might be surprised to learn the following facts about guilt: What can you do to address unresolved guilt? I made that call today and will move from lates to early starting Monday 16th feb. I know true remorse when I see it. See what she has to say. Tell your husband. 14 Effective Ways To Get Over The Guilt Of Cheating - A Conscious Rethink (Ta-daaaa!) I am heartbroken but told him I understand that I couldnt be with someone who doesnt trust me. If you both agreed not to see anyone else, how is that not exclusive? I cannot tell you how much I love my boyfriend and how shocked I am about this. For me, to feel guilty about having sex with someone, while in a relationship with someone else, I must have remorse. Arun, I agree with everything you said here because I was guilty of kissing a guy I liked when I was drunk, knowing that I liked him and wanted to see how much.". You cheated. Everyone makes mistakes and it's how you deal with them afterwards that is the most important thing. (As you were), It happened to me,too last Jan.31,2016, and it happened again in the following days. Bringing this up is only going to hurt your SO. As I left, the boy who I kissed came with me and I tried my best to shrug him off. Take action instead of ruminating in guilt. I work in hospitality, so I can't change departments, but I can change my shift pattern. She has just sent a private message to him on FB. You can keep quiet and resolve never to do this again. ;-D. Ahhhh you're back! Have another little thinkipoos (with or without a little drinkipoos). (Y)), Hey its really grtt to hear tht u really care n lot of emotion for ur hubbyv only come to kno abt our loyalty only when things like this happens.u kissed him thn u realised that u hv done mistake bcoz u really love ur hubby n dnt want to cheat him.but since commuting mistakes is a part of human nature n being human it happened but determined urself for not to continue or commit such mistake is the real proof of being loyal. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. | Will the guilt ever go away? Certainly, that's what I myself meant and expected you to quote Bienne as more or less echoing. I have posted a vent and been waiting for your scathing reply. Guilt is a common feeling of emotional distress that signals us when our actions or inactions have caused or might cause harm to another personphysical, emotional, or otherwise. Your boyfriend may love you so much that he believes you won't repeat the cheating ever again. I had had an argument with my fianc because I found a suspicious text from a woman , he became very mad . Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. It didn't feel real. The other day, I had a first with my partner Flo: I put my tongue in another man's mouth while he stood by only to observe. Except with other truth-seekers. If the reaction isnt strong, then maybe its okay to confess. I went to a party with friends last night and I kissed someone.. The next time you saw your significant other you might have blurted out, I have a confession to make. It felt so wrong and taboo yet so erotic and a sort of thrilling jealousy! [1] you didn't foresee and avoid being in that predicament. He deserves the right to make the decision on whether he can forgive you and move on with you. An affair isn't a bad choice made when a married person decides to sleep with someone that they aren't married to. My girlfriend(Cintia), me and my best friends girlfriend (called Mercy). A couple of nights ago I went out to a work function. You can confess to your significant other and accept the consequences, knowing that you might hurt your partner by confessing. Itachi, Lees theory can backfire, especially if the person really believes you are talking about someone else and then he/she finds out you are talking about someone that YOU did. But I do have to state it or I'm failing to do this role properly as well as my innate compulsion to be unwaveringly socially and morally responsible - meaning, if you don't want to respond, don't. If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. I sent the guy packing with a friendly piss-take (whilst deliberately flashing my ring), and then told hubbie the minute I got home. I always prefer to know if something is going on than find out about it later, or worse, never find out at all (the idea of this chills me). Your Drinking Behaviour. drunk, kissing. Your punishment is living with this. Scopes: Yes, the kids are the real victims. Would they be as lenient? response. Please tell me I will stop feeling like this. Lol If you are carrying so much guilt, it's generally a sign that you care a lot about someone and you are really sorry for what you have done- perhaps he realises this. Lol I love you already. Truth-seekers are never popular. I know it was wrong and I regret it all. This thread has expired - why not start your own? I wouldn't want to hear about it if I were in his position. I think you already knew what you wanted to do, your husband was not home, saw an opportunity, and wanted to use being drunk as a cover story. In fact, you dont even have to tell your partner what you did because it was an innocent kiss. Wow, you really do want a baby, don't you. Your significant other might get very angry about this, but I believe it depends more on whom you kissed rather than on the fact that you kissed someone else. Not sure how anyone can say they're "certain" he doesn't need to know, given the fact that he made his own standards and expectations perfectly clear on that score, back when he himself was the 'victim' of a come-on. Okay. He is my workmate also. :), Ah cawlled *you* 'sistah', dun't mean Ah iz wurn too, 'kayyy, shugah? This of course over a year ago. And, of course, cheating always tends to increase during a recession. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. That tells you that even if you think you are not showing any signs of being attracted to someone, peoples S/Os have a since of whats going on! So this was the whole tone in which I recounted it to hubby, ergo, he thought it was amusing (the event and my comeback), flattering to him *and* reassuring. Turning off notifications, deleting messages, and hiding chat apps may all indicate secrecy. As long as you are sincere about making this work, your punishment should be to bear this guilt. I believe, on the other hand, that if you got drunk and kissed someone because you were drunk and you had no feelings for the other person, there is no point in confessing about that kiss because a confession could cause trouble over nothing. He is a good person and a good husband and I love him very much. When I needed a dresser picked up from a furniture store, he offered to take me to the store and bring the furniture home in his pick up truck. Personally, if nothing happened apart from him buying drinks and giving you a ride home, then I wouldnt have told at all. Visit my website and follow me on Twitter @GuyWinch. But please seperate the issues. I believe that over time this would have happened with or without the wiskey. The fact he told you very soon after is good. i cried for days on and my bf couldnt figure out was . I'm going to regret what I've done for the rest of my life. However, the fact that you kissed another guy can act as a trigger for him to think negatively of you. Need help with your relationship? Oh there really isn't any disagreement actually. Does she feel guilty over leaving me for another guy? I'd never be able to get over it. I then suddenyly realised what I was doing and burst into tears, telling him I could not do this to my boyfriend and then called a taxi and left. In the end we all do what serves us best But don't shoot the messenger.. Righd AWN, sistah! I am the nicest person on earth and so is my boyfriend. Life's a bleedin' mystery, ain't it? Anyway, I just thought I'd mention it out of respect for that other time with that girl and to show you that, despite I'm not as quick thinking as you, especially when I'm blotto, I can still handle myself in these situations [grin]." Since he felt there was an attraction with you two. I took the ride. I'm not married nor have I ever been married. by Lucy Moore for relationships.femalefirst.co.uk I Kissed Another Guy When I Was Drunk, Should I Tell My Boyfriend? If I could go back in time I would because my SO is truly the best person out there. And has also started crying for no reason when things are going well between us. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months and I feel so guilty. Updated January 27, 2023 by ReGain Editorial Team. I felt disorientated. It's where the lips have been and where they're going. You might feel guilty about it the next day, but it wasnt a big deal. Shes said thats it. male With the other woman just across the room! Many people who get drunk become more amorous, and if our significant others arent with us at the time of our drinking binge, we might be inclined to kiss or even have sex with someone else because were not playing with a full deck when were drunk. However from what I've read passionate kissing lead to touching, petting,etc. Is kissing someone else when drunk cheating? 2023 FemaleFirst Ltd. all rights reserved. Iam a bisexual man and kissing a female is a different feeling then with a male. Keep it to yourself. I am a good person and have never done anything like this before. [2] ..you showed you don't think of he and you as a team by sharing all information pertinent to the relationship; I think my husband could maybe forgive the kiss, but the doubt would be there, he would wonder if this could happen again, and he would be so hurt. :-). SOULMATE (moderator), is this seriously your job? I still feel so guilty and I just don't know what to do. When we got there the drinks flowed again , and more laughter and story telling. I came home and we resolved it and ever since everything has been fine. Plus, I *was* moreover affronted, meaning the guy got off lightly, because [1] I hadn't even caught his eye, [2] my wedding band is very thick thus too noticeable even from a distance, meaning his chat-up attempt was both un-instigated and unwanted, so [3] what sort of person did he think I WAS, just from looking at me?! For me infidelity is a deal breaker I don't care what the circumstances were. In that sort of scenario, where the kiss (or any intimate contact) lingers for more than half a second - or, put more simply, isn't the kind you'd feel comfortable giving/receiving from your own parent or grandparent - it's an opening of the door, whether or not you subsequently recover your senses and slam it shut again. Translation: I believe I wish to say, what the hell, what were we doing only I have a competing urge to chose a phrase that could be taken two ways, to ask, where are we at aka what happens with we two now? Personally, I think even innocently returning a kiss is cheating, although Id probably keep it to myself! For the last two years have read a lot about infidelity. What To Know About Buster Murdaugh, Alex Murdaugh's Only Surviving Son Yup. Yes it hurts.. That left just me, the man and another woman. Any help or advise would be much appreciated. There was a line that was crossed when they kissed, he should no longer have her as a Facebook friend, or any other communication with her. Biological ones. reader, Angel-lee+, writes (25 October 2005): A I didnt hear from my piano teacher for at least two weeks after that. One of the best ways is to offer effective apologies. Well as far as my experience with sex,I would definitely say I'm not an expert. And the tricky piece de resistance We were good friends for a few years and have dated in the past but nothing serious. As for this one, I think it's safe to say it's run its course for now. It didn't feel real. Such as crying,begging that would be enough for me to give them a second chance. We finally mended fences, but there still is a type of tension between us. Kissing is the gateway to sex or part of sex. ;-) Either way, I've noted your comments, I've already decided what I am going to do, and I'll deal with the consequences, whatever they might be. I didnt blame the alcohol because I knew I had feelings for my piano teacher, and I didnt want to pretend the feelings didnt exist. i asked him how he'd feel if i went and made out with another man in front of him. He cared less what families they belonged to if they worked in the same positions, they had the same contract rules to follow. Foxie: There was something missing in my marriage. Best to start your own thread, like I say, if you want, where you could 'whistle while you work' to your heart's content. Funny, I have never gotten amorous when I have had too much to drink. I worry I made huge mistakes in my life and that I am destined to life a "good" family life forever more, but never feel that amazing desire and lust and sexual attraction I don't feel for anyone else but this man. I couldnt take it so I told him. In the end you're the one who knows your boyfriend and whether he would like to know about something like that or not. I don't see any good coming from me confessing, only hurt and upset and doubt, and think my time would be better spent working on my relationship, and working through the issues that are putting so much pressure on us at the moment. If you don't figure this out OP, it will happen again. She confessed to loving the experience and enjoyed the thrill knowing she had her husbands permission and he was watching her. What are you going to do, then? If you. A I've gone to a couple thread's here recently. Because I already had some unresolved feelings for this guy and I let him kiss me and used the fact that I was drunk as an excuse. NO don't actually make it easy for him to have ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP with this woman!!!! Oh, and FYI again: so drunk I didn't know what I was doing tends NOT to be so plugged-in she 5 minutes beforehand notices the sleeping other person needs a blankie and a tucking-in. Scopes: okay, although the whole point of forums is [1] that they're anonymous and [2] people's problems aren't ever remotely unique enough for the poster not to potentially be literally from anywhere in the world thus unidentifiable. I feel horrible. Changing jobs or departments and without delay, those things that aren't rocket science, is definitely what I as a fractionally betrayed partner would call you putting your rueful money where your rueful mouth is - enough to help reassure permanently. (Sorry you got cheated on. That is what separates the women from the girls. I see this as two issues. You do risk upset feelings as a consequence. Should find time to respond tomorrow. So, you went to a party and everyone was drinking. Nah Don't say a word about it. Generally people dont care when it happens with others but when it happens with them, they may react very differently because human are emotional creatures. [4] WHY would you have kept it secret? Your significant other might get very angry about this, but I believe it depends more on whom you kissed rather than on the fact that you kissed someone else. It happened two days ago. I was very drunk. I recall an incident years ago, we were very young, just teenagers, and a girl planted a big kiss on my hubby (then boyfriend) on a night out. PostedNovember 9, 2014 I myself will have to comment tomorrow, now, although maybe SK and anyone else would like to join in in the meantime? But I'll let you off because that was a MacResponse whereas 'a lot to take in', i.e. Anon Pink, 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands. What you're doing might FEEL easier, but that's you making the mistake too many others make, which is paying heed only to the *short* term, meanwhile risking leaving that bud to grow unseen into a thorn bush I think its interesting that you put in the innocent and the guilty kiss. Because guilt typically occurs in "micro-bursts" of brief signals, we often underestimate the rather significant role it plays in our daily lives. Which may not seem like a big deal for some of you. Just my thoughts having been a victim of cheating. / Houston, turns out I/you/I+You can't have kids the natural way after all, which is no-one's fault; let's try IVF / adopt / foster / console ourselves with the fact we'll always have each other, and the babies of people we know to borrow, and the freedom and greater financial means to please ourselves. Not work you put off until 'tomorrow' - TODAY. There is no earthly reason that your partner needs to know chapter and verse of every indiscretion you ever engaged in. I feel like I am hypnotized by the guy. Social media, the Internet, texting and so on. Lees theory has a big vulnerability. I'm mortified. My SO and I had been dating two years. Buster was in law school Buster Murdaugh, left, and his girlfriend Brooklynn White watch a video clip from Buster's brother Paul's phone in the double murder trial of Alex Murdaugh at the Colleton . It's not worth the headaches, nausea, acid reflux, stomach pain, or insomnia you may be experiencing. I was dating thus guy for 6 months and he stopped calling and texting. Unless you literally were so drunk that you had no idea what you were doing, it's probably better for you to take responsibility for and own your behavior instead of saying "I got drunk" as an excuse. When the night was over one of the women said we could go back to hers for drinks, and I was happy to go. You don't have control over these things. Being drunk is never a "reason" for cheating. However, before you choose option 3, you need to talk to the person you kissed when you are sober again and make sure that the other person has strong feelings for you, too. He was so drunk himself that he started singing I Love Paris and, in the middle of the song, he said in a gruff voice, You wanna kiss me? I dont know what else to do. Way to make someone who, already understands and feels terrible guilt for what they've done, feel chronically worse. Guilt protects our relationships. Pre-kiss, the straight guys none of whom have ever kissed another man before are asked where society hasanyrules for interaction between heterosexual men. She may say that. When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission, which supports our community. That is what separates the women from the girls. And if you're not confessing - to the victim - you're dodging doing time. Im a guy and i had sex with my guy bestfriend drunk. You have no right to unburden your conscience at the expense of your partners happiness. Translation: Stuff moral taboos, my wanton self-gratification urge is more important than any implement for world peacebut I'm a nice guy, no, really I am.) This was a relationship BTW not a marriage. I'm not going to let that or any insulting aspersions, subtle or otherwise, put me off. I'm sure you'll survive if you don't tell him and I'm certain that he doesn't need to know. Sorry Soulmate I know I need to stop,but it's hard to. He's a nice guy and we get on, but I don't know how I'm gonna face him talk about normal work things. I feel so bad since then. And I know himhad it made him feel the slightest bit threatened and worried, either he'd have said so there and then, or, if for some reason hadn't felt capable, would have shown in his behaviour at some point (I was watching for it regardless). You already have internalized that part. You lied to me for 2 years? I am 100% sure he will forgive you and will love you even more for telling him (which you should have done A LONG TIME AGO). By having a relationship with someone else and then just disappearing off it made things so much more complex for me, him and particularly the DC. Maybe you didnt deliberately set out to kiss him or her, but you feel guilty about the kiss because you realize you always wanted to kiss that person, but were afraid to kiss because you harbored hidden feelings for that person. So as far I doing it wrong I wouldn't know. Have a happy day every one. It's mos becoming serious and we really like each other! But maybe I should have My thoughts are that he has been persuing her. I also agree with SUSIEDQQ that is won't be the worse thing that will ever happen to her or her marriage. find me on and follow me on. She emailed him out of the Blue, and he proudly showed me both her smarmy email and his polite yet nonetheless "on yer bike!" I've never gone to a counsellor before, but I'm going to see one next week to talk through it. I kissed another girl while black out drunk, dont remember a thing. Things have gone a fair way beyond ideal but you aren't a silly school girl after your first taste of wine. Reviewed by Gary Drevitch. reader, missbunbury+, writes (25 October 2005): A Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Whoever did it, doesnt matter. That's alright, that's a common mistake. 07/12/2015 22:05. Forget about it! To submit your vote please sign in or sign up, it is free and takes a few seconds. A guilty kiss involves kissing a specific person while drunk who either has a crush on you or whom you have a crush on, and then using your drunken state as an excuse for having kissed that person. I feel like my husband deserves so much better, but can't tell him because the guy isn't some stranger, he's a person I see 5 days a week, and I know if tables were turned and I was in my husbands position I would wonder what interactions were happening between the two in work everyday. All of sudden my guy friend stopped texting me good morning and good night Im a guy and i had sex with my guy bestfriend drunk. Even though it took her a while to make that choice, she both never recognized her role and then made a series of bad choices after. Secrets have no place in a marriage. You knowing you can trust your husband to do the right thing when faced with temptation is all it takes for him to remain blight-free when blight (whether or not wearing fishnets) threatens. I practise what I preach, me. Answer (1 of 7): As you have not mentioned your gender, i am assuming you are a girl. Cell phones, texting, emails etc. I agree. I cant trust you anymore., You think that having too much to drink made it all right for you to kiss ______? Maybe she was experimenting or it was something shed thought about and wanted to see what it felt like. If you want a relationship then be ready to be trustworthy. Thinking of it over and over again will affect you mentally, and make it worse. This should be obvious, but sadly, for many it's not. Your guilt is your punishment. I am deeply shocked this has happened and I don't know who to turn to for help. I'm asking myself all sorts of questions like did I like him, is that why I did it? Why don't I feel guilty for kissing another guy? - Quora (That'll do me nicely! I think your just another female using your man until a better option comes along your husband should dump you because one of these days your going dump him if he doesnt. I have to be honest, I have never once had the urge to visit America. It's one of those cases where keeping it a secret would be worse than the transgression itself, especially since it'd be a case of 'the pot calling the kettle black'. I went that night to a bar and began to get very drunk. Guilt occurs primarily in interpersonal contexts and is considered a "pro-social" emotion because it helps you maintain good relations with others. Not just what I did but the fact I work with this person and have to continue to work with him. After he gave me a drink we started kissing and I felt terrible.He then asked me to sleep with him. You mentioned foreplay as being the main gate. reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): A I'm 5 years married to my best friend. Then he kissed me, and I kissed him back. Right,undoubtedly you didn't say what Tillybops wanted to hear. Tl;dr: why do I feel guilty after ending things with a guy who grabbed my ass during our first kiss? I knew you liked him/her. The moment feelings are involved then youve cheated. :-)), SOULMATE: Meant as in the universe of sisterhood (wrongly) To award Biggest B*lls on the Block Award -comment never was to imply same race- so on behalf of the Academy I accept :), (Good stuff. You came to your sences and stopped this from going any farther. Despite their passion during the kiss though, thestraight guys (quite predictably)all saythey still identified asstraight. I made it explicit to my girlfriend that I can only function in an extremely honest and all-cards-on-the-table relationship. I really need your help.I have been dating this boy for the past two months. "Soz". "He's a great kisser" what she said to me. I had only taken three years of piano lessons while still a teenager, and here I was in my late 40s studying piano again. Years after my divorce the one thing that still makes me really angry is that my XH should have ended the marriage as thats what he wanted.